Bubu Babbles!

Tonight our little Bubu did some great babbling after her bath. She is making some great sounds. We feel like she is SO close to saying a word. So close! I want to squeeze the words out of her. I know they are in there!

Sunday was a good day

As I mentioned in the previous post, we had a wonderful weekend. We are working as a team. We are calling it "Team Bubulubu." Ozzy and I agreed that we are so lucky. After doing some research, we realized that our Bubu is truly exceptional. She may have autism but she doesn't look the part. I think that is why it is so hard to diagnose. I imagine a lot of toddlers aren't diagnosed because they don't fit the stereotype. I am VERY happy to say that our Bubu doesn't fit the stereotype. She is a great weight, great height, loves to eat, poops normally, sleeps well, loves hugs, loves kisses, loves going out....so many positive AMAZING things to be grateful for. I am not dellusional though. I can see that my little girl doesn't "get" language and because of that doesn't "get" how she is supposed to interact with her world. I think her personality has saved her sanity (and ours). She is amazing at entertaining herself. So when she gets frustrated and tired of the world around her, she goes to her playroom and reads. Of course, sometimes her frustrations are too big for a book. But she doesn't hurt herself or scream for hours, we are so lucky. I hope we never have to deal with that heartache. Fingers crossed.
One of the huge changes we made this weekend was Bubu becoming dairy and gluten free. I read so many positive blog posts from families with children with autism about the diet, we had to try it. Saturday night our little lady had her first almond milk bottle and she LOVED IT! :) :) :) Our Bubu is off Cheerios and on something called "Gorilla Munch." She LOVES that too! It is insanely overwhelming to understand what she can and can't eat. But Ozzy says "we'll learn." The idea behind the diet is that children with autism metabolize certain foods differently than "average" kids. It's possible that dairy and gluten make our Bubu foggy and overwhelmed. It is NOT giving her autism, absolutely not. But it is like my asthma, a cold winter night doesn't GIVE me asthma but my bronchial tubes react differently to cold weather than your average bronchial tubes. The big no-gluten-no-dairy diet is underway and is already showing some really cool subtle changes. Yesterday our Bubu patted her mouth and made a long "ahhhhh" noise while she did it. She hasn't done that in months! We have tried and she would just look at us confused. And yesterday she made great eye contact with Ozzy and me. She still retreated to her little magical world on and off throughout the day but the eye contact was solid at times. AND the biggest event of the day, after putting toys in her big box with Mommy we went into the living room. While in the living room, I asked her to put the toy in my hand in the box. She lit up when I said that and proudly grabbed the toy and ran to her playroom and put it in the box. That IS HUGE! She usually gets easily confused when you ask her to do something. She put toy after toy after toy in the box and each time ran back to get another. She was so proud of herself. Ozzy and I tried not to cry. I even got a hug after the last toy. Sunday was a good day. I am going to try really hard to remember that the next time we have a really bad day.

A-Day...the day it all changed...and didn't.

Thursday we found out that our little Bubulubu has Autism. Looking at the word on the computer screen is still really weird. "My daughter has autism." Can that be true? I know it is. My husband, Ozzy, and I have held our breath for months and months wondering why our little girl reacted a bit diffrently to life than other babies. I was so scared, still am I guess. Our little Bubu is 18 months old. People tell me it is a real blessing we caught it so early. I hope they are right. I am going to work really REALLY hard to make their predictions true.
This has been the craziest most surreal five days of my life. Thursday Ozzy and I collapsed on the floor sobbing after the specialists left our home. AUTISM?!? What did I do? What did I do? What did I eat when I was pregnant? Where did I go when I was pregnant? How could I let this happen to my baby?  I spent the next two days trying to remember how I accidentally ingested or exposed myself to my Bubu's kryptonite. I'm not blaming myself every minute now. I have my moments where my mind goes there but I am working really hard to not stay "there." I'm working really, really hard.
After the first grueling 48 hours, we were lucky enough to have a weekend where Ozzy and I didn't have to work. It was the best weekend we have had, since I don't know when. I think it was the first time we REALLY saw our Bubu for who she is. She isn't this scary question mark. She is an incredibly unique person, and just like the rest of us, I have absolutely no clue what her future will be. That is scary as hell but oddly beautiful too.