Tired

I haven't posted lately. I have been binging on educational supplies and social game crafts. This journey has taught me a lot about my own bizarre coping skills. When I am tired or scared I just dig in deeper and make myself busier. I'm a shark. I am so excited about the fundraising events coming up for Autism Speaks but I am also laughing at how I "needed" to do this. I always try to find more things to do so I don't have time to think. But I end up thinking anyway AND getting overwhelmed by my ever-growing laundry list of activities. Not sure why I do this. On the one hand, I find the activities relaxing and oddly empowering. On the other hand, I get stressed because I have given myself this power over the situation. So in other words, it may be soothing to make little educational games for Sofie or research ways to teach her to imitate but it weighs on my soul that I have decided I am responsible for getting her to talk. It's stupid. Especially because my husband is right there in the trenches with me. I'm not alone but I somehow work really hard at pretending I am doing this alone.

It doesn't help that Sofie is an evil genius. She is so brilliant but she is using that brilliance to avoid basic skills a child her age could do or at least be interested in trying. I hope I am not pushing her too hard. We do at least one (most often two or three) mommy/sofie therapy sessions a day. They last from 15 minutes to about a half hour or so (depending on her mood). The sessions are just games I learned from the real therapists. Sometimes the mommy sessions go well and are fun-sometimes not. The speech therapist got to see Sofie in all her glory today. Sofie was mad I wouldn't let her watch tv. She was especially mad because she did everything "right". She went to her book. She went to the page "Watch TV". She then flipped through the pages and found "Martha Speaks" (one of her favorite tv shows). She pointed to Martha with a big smile and was destroyed I said "no." This all went down before the therapist even walked through the door. The therapist got to see the pouting and hugging mommy's leg. She said it is interesting that Sofie uses socializing to get what she wants or get out of doing a task. From what I gather kids on the spectrum may express anger, frustration, confusion through tantrums or head banging but it is a personal act. The tantrum isn't a means of communication it is simply raw emotion. With Sofie she does stuff that appears to be gathered from observation (yawning when bored, pouting her lip, rolling her eyes in disgust, hugging and begging). I SWEAR SHE DIDN'T LEARN IT FROM ME! But seriously, she takes observations and then uses them in a pretty sophisticated way to get what she wants from someone (or at least try).  After therapy was over she went back to her book and tried again. But this time she wasn't going to bother with mean mommy. She went about her routine. She went to the book and thumbed through the pages quickly. She has already memorized her favorite parts. The book is almost sixty pages and she hasn't had it even a month yet. She flipped to Martha and walked over to the TV and turned it on and off, on and off...hoping this time would the time Martha would appear on the screen. She was out of luck. Hopefully the lesson will stick-she can't do everything on her own (hopefully mommy will learn that too).

I'll explain more about how the book works in later entries. I have been trying to upload videos of Sofie using the book. She is crazy smart...again-evil genius. Adorable evil genius.